Live each day as a miracle

"I have learned how precious life is, so live each day as a miracle."
-Raegan's sentiment in a recent Christmas card

Relentless, cruel, vicious, heartbreaking...the words I would use to describe cancer. I have seen the destruction left in cancer's wake time after time again, and I hate it with a passion. However, had it not been for cancer, I never would have met Raegan, the beautiful, vibrant, and wickedly funny woman pictured above. My life was forever changed seven years ago, when I met Raegan and her newborn son the night he was diagnosed with leukemia. I connected instantly with this adorable baby boy and his mom, and I continued to care for Ren throughout his treatment. I was even Ren's nurse on the day he received his bone marrow transplant, the only transplant I have ever given in my 10 years at Primary Children's. Ren lived at Primary's for most of his infancy, and although he was critically ill multiple times, he defied all the odds and won his battle with cancer. He truly is a miracle baby.

Raegan never let Ren's favorite nurses forget the role that we had played in her "tiny baby's" recovery. ("Tiny baby" was a tongue in cheek nickname that Raegan had for Ren as there was nothing tiny about him. After steroids, he had the biggest cheeks I had ever seen, as well as roll after roll of adorable chub!) I have saved every card and picture that she has sent me over the years proclaiming that "my Renny" is a miracle, and that he is alive because of his wonderful nurses who loved him so much. I don't know if that is true, but she always had a way of making us feel very loved, appreciated, and special.

Six years ago, just as Ren was finishing treatment, Raegan herself was diagnosed with cancer. She has fought like hell against that cancer with multiple rounds of chemo, radiation and surgeries. A very gracious fight, I might add. She always had a smile on her face, and through all of her struggles, she never lost that famous sense of humor. I remember her joking about how she had finally found out how to lose weight and be as skinny as she had always wanted...you just had to follow "the cancer diet". She so eloquently stated that she looked like "boobs on a stick". I still remember laughing about that for days. Only Raegan could sound so upbeat when going through an incredibly difficult ordeal.

I remember a story she relayed to me the first time she lost her hair. As a long time employee behind the Nordstrom makeup counters, Raegan was one that took great pride in her appearance. She always dressed to the nines (usually in black) with her makeup and hair just right. I'm sure it was very difficult for Raegan when she lost her hair. Her mother had gotten her a wig, and she was so excited to be able to go out in public with a full head of hair again. With the wig perfectly placed, she headed out to the store with her son (then about two years old) in tow. Ren apparently thought that his mother looked hilarious with a wig on, and proceeded to point that out (quite loudly according to Raegan) to the other shoppers at Costco. Raegan's reaction? She ripped the wig off in the middle of the busy store, hung it on the edge of the cart, and proudly finished her shopping, bald and beautiful.

Raegan was lucky enough to experience two miracles in her life. Ren's recovery, for one. The second was when she gave birth to another son, Rees, which is rare after the cancer treatment she had gone through. Those two boys were her entire world, and she would have done anything for them.

Two weeks ago, Raegan and her sweet family learned that her cancer had spread and that there were no more treatment options. She went home on hospice care, and within a few days, Raegan finished battling cancer and passed away. I am happy to know that she is finally peaceful and no longer in pain, but I have been heartbroken for those boys that she leaves behind. I hope that as they grow they will remember their mother and what an amazing person she was.

I attended Raegan's celebration of life this past Saturday. The celebration encompassed everything Raegan loved...sparkles reflected on the ceiling (Raegan loved anything that glittered), a slide show of photos of her and her boys, refreshments that included all of Raegan's favorite sweets (and of course Diet Coke!), and a few words from her dear friends. The place was packed in like sardines with all of the people that had been touched by Raegan's life. There was not a single person who met her that was not affected by her spunky personality.

I didn't see her very often, but I will forever miss our phone conversations, and that excited squeal when she would realize it was me calling to say hello. I will miss the excitement I felt when I received a card updating me on her boys. Although she leaves this world prematurely, it make me happy to know that she is finally cancer free. What an amazing woman! I will always remember her with the utmost admiration. She has taught me to endure life's trials with a smile on my face. I am so thankful that our paths crossed those 7 years ago.

Rest in peace, sweet Raegan. I will miss you.