The last night

Tonight I am filled with so many emotions.
Anxiety, excitement, fear, nervousness, happiness,
and yes, even a little sadness. 

Tonight is the last night I will ever be pregnant. 

(Oh, by the way, bloggerland...I am expecting my second child. Sorry I haven't posted in a year.)

Tomorrow my son will be born via scheduled c-section. I am currently watching him do some serious baby gymnastics inside my belly, and I am trying to soak it all in. The sadness I am experiencing is knowing that I won't get to experience this again. I LOVE the kicks of pregnancy...the special bond that only my baby and I share. I also love being comfortable with my body during pregnancy. I love embracing my large belly and dressing to show it off...such a change from normal non-pregnant life where I am constantly trying to hide my problem belly area. 

This pregnancy started out a lot like my pregnancy with Anna. We had been trying to conceive for over a year, so I found out early that I was expecting. Other than a slight bleeding scare at 6 weeks, the first trimester was uneventful. I am one of the very lucky mamas that does not get nauseated or throw up at all. I actually feel great for the first two trimesters. Being an "old" mama (advanced maternal age being the official term), I was encouraged to do genetic testing at 13 weeks. To my relief, the testing showed that this baby does not have any obvious genetic disorders. The cool thing about this testing is that they can tell you with 99.5% accuracy the sex of the baby. So we learned very early on that Trav and I have a son! Anna, who desperately wanted a sibling, but especially a sister, got over her disappointment quickly and is now very excited to have a little brother. 

Of course, throughout this pregnancy there was the lingering fear that I would go through the complications I went through with Anna...the early onset preeclampsia, the hospitalized bedrest for weeks, and the preterm delivery. I started out this pregnancy, on the advice of my OB, on labetolol (a medication for high blood pressure) and baby aspirin (shown to decrease the risk of preeclampsia). I also was made well aware that I would be followed closely with growth ultrasounds, non-stress tests, and more frequent OB appointments. I was also told early on by both my OB and my perinatologist that I would not be allowed to stay pregnant past 37 weeks due to my chronic high blood pressure. 

Well, I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy! Here I am, at 37 weeks today, scheduled to deliver tomorrow. Every NST since 32 weeks has been fantastic with adequate amniotic fluid levels, a very active baby, and only slight protein in my urine. Every growth ultrasound has shown a baby boy that is at or beyond his gestational average in growth. Even my blood pressure for the past two weeks has been better than I could have asked for...enough so that I have been able to back off on my labetolol dosing. There has been no bedrest, and I was able to continue to work my 12 hour night shifts until this past week. Now my only complaint is the typical aches and pains of a pregnant body...back pain, lack of sleep, and getting more uncomfortable as this baby grows bigger. I honestly don't know what I would do if I had to go any longer. I have a whole new appreciation for women who go all the way to 40+ weeks! 

The craziest thing about this pregnancy for me has been the fact that I am READY. Baby boy's nursery has been ready for a few weeks, I have a bag packed and ready to go, the house is clean, and even a few freezer meals have been prepared. This is such a crazy phenomenon for me...I was so blind sighted with bedrest and hospitalization with Anna's pregnancy that NOTHING was prepared. I didn't have a carseat, a crib, or even carpet in her nursery when she was born. I must say that I much prefer the prepared version! What scares me about this pregnancy is that I am most likely going to be taking this baby boy home with me, instead of leaving him in the NICU. Although that is a beautiful thing, and something I am very grateful for,  I am nervous about recovering from surgery and caring for a newborn at the same time. I know women do it all the time, so I'm sure I will figure it out. The recovery this time should be different simply because I haven't been on bedrest...and I won't need to be on the dreaded magnesium during delivery!! Trav also has the next week and a half off work so hopefully he will be helpful.
;-)

Just a few of my thoughts that I wanted to capture as I head into this journey of mothering an infant once again. I hope I have the strength and courage to do this! Wish me luck!